I have been thinking a lot lately about my walk with God. Six years ago I was in the slow process of pulling out of mainstream Christian church, after having been attending a church off and on since I was 13. The reason for my leaving was because people in my church did not approve of my new found beliefs of Hebrew Rooted Worship.

You see, at the time I had finally immersed myself into the church of my youth, finding my place, my purpose, recording the services and posting them to the church Facebook page. I finally felt like I was being useful to the church and “using my talents” for God. I was finally happy. I was SO in love with God!!

So in love in fact that when I realized that many of our mainstream traditions and holidays had either been adopted from paganism or mixed with pagan symbols, it truly broke my heart. I felt so grieved that we were not worshiping God in a more holy and righteous manner that I asked God this prayer. “God show me how to worship you without the second rate pagan leftovers of past false religions, God, YOU deserve better than that! YOU, God, deserve the VERY BEST I can give!” Show me what to do?!” He simply said, “Look to my people.” I thought on that and then it came to me, “The Jews!” So I looked into what they did as far as holidays and was thrilled to find that their holidays were found in MY Bible!!

To make a long story short, I started having Passover privately in my home with my family and some people in the church, who didn’t understand what I was doing, started spreading rumors and telling their faulty idea of what they thought I was doing until they had convinced many of the “people in position” at my church that I had basically rejected Christ (which couldn’t have been farther from the truth) and eventually, I no longer felt welcomed at the church of my youth.

So, being hurt deeply by the people who I thought so highly of, I stepped away from the church and sadly did the “out of the frying pan and into the fire” type thing. I was very unsure of myself in this new walk and knew no one who was being drawn to this form of worship. I felt so alone and excommunicated from the body of Christ. I literally begged God to turn me away from the deep yearning towards Hebraic things. He did not turn me and He did not take away the desire to dig deeper into learning the way of the Jews. I soon found some people who did Hebraic things and found myself submerged into the Messianic Jew/Hebrew Root religion because they were the only people I could find that also worshiped in a Hebraic way. I tried as much as I could to “be like them” and do things the way they said it should be done but some of it just did not sit right with me. Sadly, I so deeply longed for “community” with like-minded believers that not only did I overlook the things I knew to not be right, but I also ignored the Holy Spirit.

My family ended up being deeply hurt by these people as well. So much, in fact, I basically gave up on trying to live for God at all. I still loved God but my prayer life was dismal at best and I basically stopped doing any of the Biblical Holy Days altogether. I was officially backslid. My life began to show the effects of my lack of prayer. It was more than I could bare to see my kids falling away and there was nothing I felt I could do about it. I was so heartbroken, the worst I had ever been in my life.

This is how I have been for the past year. By the grace and mercy of the almighty, my children recently began going with their cousin to The Remnant Church, a Christian home church of a friend I had grown up with. One who actually had been raised in the same church I attended as a youth, someone I trusted. They were showing so much improvement that I could not just ignore what was going on at their church. They came home excited about God, talking about the love they felt, the scriptures they were hearing, and more than anything seeing the change in my kids. They turned from being rebellious and “slipping off into a sinful worldly way of life” to kids who begged to go to church every time they had a chance, kids who had their sweet demeanor back, who was being nice again, who were pulling away from the worldly ways that had almost overtaken them. I was ecstatically overjoyed. I also felt maybe, just maybe, God has sent  them to “Remnant” to save my whole family.

I went to church with my kids a couple times and felt what they had been feeling, a real move of God was happening in that place. A stirring was reawakened in my heart, the Spirit of God, the Holy Ghost, had become alive in me again. But there was one problem. I knew what God had shown me several years ago and still felt I was supposed to worship in a Hebraic way.

So many questions started flooding my mind. Would I have to give up this church? Would I have to give up the Hebraic ways? Would I be rejected by these people like I had been by others when they found out what I believe? Would I ever be truly accepted at “Remnant” if I continue being “Hebraic?” Was God taking me out of the “truth” I had found in the Hebraic worship and was replacing it with the spiritual stirring I was feeling? And one night after I spent time crying in prayer, I snuggled down and was about to drift off to sleep he gave me this, “Those who worship me must worship me in SPIRIT and in TRUTH!” I wanted to write that down but I was so tired and almost asleep (and finally comfortable) I just “willed” myself to remember “Spirit and truth” by repeating it to myself and drifted off to sleep. For three days I could not, for the life of me, remember the two words I chanted that night trying to remember them to look into it to see what the scripture said about it. Finally, the words came back to me just out of the blue and I looked them up.

But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
(John 4:23-24)

When I read those scriptures the spirit spoke to my soul, “You were never supposed to give up one for the other.”

Immediately, I knew where I went wrong. I had given up the spiritual walk I knew from the church of my youth to follow after the Hebraic way of the people I found companionship with when I left.  But my biggest mistake was that I had God showing me what to do and how to believe and out of a hurt spirit and lack of faith, I stopped seeking God’s council and sought the council of man. My heart was grieved. I repented.

So now my mission is simply this, try my best to get back my spiritual walk so I have the connection to hear from God what the real truth is that I am supposed to follow. I know my Hebraic journey is not over, it is only on a partial pause while I get my spirit back in tune with God. I no longer want to just chase after mankind and their ideas and traditions of how I am supposed to worship God. I want to hear from God. I want Him to lead me and guide me. I want this:

But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him.
(1 John 2:27)

Not to say I have no need for a Pastor or a church, I love hearing the Word of God preached so I can reflect on it and let it feed and nourish my soul. I love having fellowship with other believers who not only keep me accountable but encourage me when I am feeling low. I love group worship and feeling the energy of being in one mind and one accord with other people. I love all of it but I must know God and allow HIS anointing to direct my path so I will stay the course. So one day I can say:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
(2 Timothy 4:7)

Blessings and Love,

Becky

P.S. I want to make it clear that my beliefs were given to me by God at my own request as a form of worship. I worship Him Hebraic because I asked Him to give me a way to worship Him that made me feel less… worldly. How you choose to worship God should be determined only by what God has put on your heart to do. The “walk” I have with God is MY walk, your walk is YOURS! I only hope as we walk our separate walks, we can still call each other brothers and sisters in Christ Messiah and that we rejoice together when our paths meet or cross for a time or a season. Peace, Hope, and Love in Christ Jesus, Yeshua haMashiach!

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